5 Emotional Phases of Moving Abroad

Moving abroad is amazing and life-changing, and I hope everyone gets the chance to experience it at some point in their lives! But something this life-changing, like any other extreme transition, inevitably comes with its drawbacks. The emotional phases of moving abroad to China closely mirrored my emotions when I moved to Ireland, but I have to say its a lot more extreme moving to a place where you don’t speak the language.

Click the image below to watch my video on this topic over on my YouTube channel!

5 Emotional Phases Of Moving Abroad. What emotions and phases of culture shock to expect when you move or study abroad. This is what I went through after moving to a country where I don't speak the language. I deal with anxiety and depression, but I don't let that stop me from travel! vlog video

Everyone Is Different

There’s lots of resources out there explaining the phases of culture shock as if its a science. Personally, I disagree with this idea. I don’t think I ever went through a honeymoon phase, and I know I’ll never be fully integrated into life in China. I can almost guarantee that no matter how long I live here, I will always get stared at and called a foreigner. If that’s integration, I need a new dictionary.

As many of you know, I deal with anxiety and depression, so my emotional phases may look different than yours, or maybe we’ll go through the exact same things! It’s hard to say. No matter your emotions or the order they hit you in, its important to expect the lows, remember the highs, and above all be patient with yourself.

I’ve lived in Nanjing, China for about two months now and have gone through five clear emotional phases. My husband and I will be here for the next eight months, so I’ll be sure to include a link here once I’ve posted an update on where this emotional rollercoaster has taken me.

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Jiming Temple, Nanjing, China
Emotional Phases Of The First Two Months

When I talk about these five emotions, it’s important to remember that it wasn’t like a switch flipped in my head and I suddenly recognized I was in a new phase. The different emotions rose and fell like waves and gradually faded into one another. Some of these emotions still come back to me two months later, and some don’t.

Grief

The very first emotion I had when we first left my parent’s house was a sadness so intense its best described as grief. Grief for me came in the form of crying uncontrollably for varying lengths of time approximately once every two hours. I wasn’t even able to hold back in public, so I cried in my parent’s car, at the coffee stand, on the bus, in the airport, in the hotel lobby, etc, etc. This phase for me started when my husband and I said goodbye to our dog (who we left with my parents for the 10 months we’re gone), and it continued through probably our fourth night abroad. I literally fell asleep crying every night and woke up with puffy eyes every morning. I was simply missing my family, friends, and the ease of living in my home country.

While writing that paragraph I felt myself about to tear up a few times, but I’m able to contain it pretty easily now. I don’t think think there’s room for this type of grief anymore in my life in China. I’ve had too many awesome experiences at this point to feel intensely sad in that same way.

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Frustration

After the crying phase ran its course, the emotion that took over was frustration. I was ready to suck it up and learn the rhythm of my new life, but found it to be extremely difficult. It was so hard for me to do simple tasks like buying groceries and connecting to Wi-Fi because of the language barrier and cultural differences. Although I believe people across the world have more similarities than differences, this is the phase when I saw ALL the differences.

I’ll use connecting to Wi-Fi as an example. I’ve never stopped to appreciate fast, reliable internet while living in the US. The only time I really noticed was when it didn’t work, which was rare. The internet in China can be slow and spotty, and on top of that I have to use a VPN (AKA a proxy server) to jump “The Great Firewall” and access the sites I’m used to (this VPN company is the best, by the way). I had no idea how to problem solve an internet issue on my own because I don’t speak Chinese, so when there was even the smallest issue connecting to Wi-Fi or VPN, it felt like I was on a broken raft out at sea. I know that’s dramatic, but I was desperate to feel connected to familiar faces.

Frustration also came in the form of finding good drinking water, figuring out how to cook in a new kitchen with new ingredients, asking our landlord about issues in our apartment, confusing interactions while trying to buy anything, and countless other acts that would be fairly straightforward had they taken place in my home country. Luckily, when learning a new set of skills, frustration is usually followed by confidence.

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Invincibility

Eventually I did figure out how to do all those simple life tasks that needed to be done. I was able to ride the subway with ease, I was having successful outings on my own which resulted in exploring gorgeous areas of Nanjing, and I even learned enough Chinese to tell the lady at the grocery store that I don’t need a bag. All this added up to a major confidence boost. I felt like I was succeeding and would often think “bring it on, China.” Getting on my bike and weaving through the traffic to go eat at a familiar restaurant or check out a new bookstore made me feel like Nanjing was my personal playground. It sounds like a great feeling, but confidence too extreme, like an invincibility of sorts, can’t last.

Defeat

This brings us to defeat. It’s hard to talk about this one, because I never want to see myself as someone who gives up, but I’ve definitely had moments where I wanted to pack it all up and head home to familiarity. I had a solid week of feeling defeated, and our Huangshan failure was definitely the last straw. I remember saying something to Eric in the railway station like “this is why I don’t belong in China, I can’t do anything on my own.” It makes me sad to remember this, but I think it’s important to share. Weirdly enough, the act of mentally giving up and snapping out of it helped me to move out of this emotional phase.

http://bit.ly/2bLqa8m

Humility

Frustration and confidence come back to me now in small pockets, but humility and openness have been flooding my mind lately. I’m sort of in this zen state of mind where I realize I really don’t know anything about China, and that’s okay. During the Qingming Festival a few weeks ago, I saw a family standing over a pile of burning ashes, the remains of these shiny paper packets they had put on the ground earlier. I literally had NO idea why they were doing it, so I did some Googling and ended up learning something new! I’m pretty sure they were burning “ghost money”, which is basically fake, printed currency that’s intended to be burned as a way to send money to deceased ancestors. When I put that idea into my American-raised brain, it doesn’t quite compute, and that’s okay too.

The point I’m trying to make is that I’ve gotten to a stage where I have my basic daily needs fulfilled with no more effort than it took in the US, and I have time to learn, explore, and try new things. The more I learn, the more I realize I don’t know. It’s a humbling idea, and one that weirdly calms my anxious brain, because I realize all I can do is try my best to keep learning, trying, and moving forward.

 

If you’re headed abroad soon, be sure to comment below! I’d love to hear about your destination 🙂

I have something really fun coming to my YouTube channel this coming Wednesday, so be sure you’re subscribed!

Thanks for reading! Talk to you soon,

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5 Emotional Phases Of Moving Abroad. What emotions and phases of culture shock to expect when you move or study abroad. This is what I went through after moving to a country where I don't speak the language. I deal with anxiety and depression, but I don't let that stop me from travel!

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12 thoughts on “5 Emotional Phases of Moving Abroad”

  • I am sure Eric is ur stabilizer like Mike is mine
    U r so good for each other and I am so proud to have you as my daughter-in-law
    Love u

  • Hi Lauren,
    I just found your blog and I absolutely love it! I’m someone who has anxiety and I’m going to move to London to do my master’s for a year this fall. It’s nice to know that there are other travelers out there who go through the same hesitation and thought process that I do. Although I have anxiety and fear of flying, I never want it to stop me from what I love doing most—seeing new things, exploring, and learning about new cultures and places. Thank you for writing and sharing such an inspiring blog!

    • Hi Sam! Thank you so much for leaving a comment!! This is exactly why I started my blog in the first place – so people like us, who suffer from anxiety but are blessed with wanderlust, realize that they’re so far from alone!! Be sure to stay in touch! I’d love to hear about your journey 🙂

  • I just found your blog and it is so perfect! I’m moving to Dongguan China and it’s wonderful to hear about your experiences and know somewhat to expect! Thank you! I can’t wait to read more!

    • Yay!! I’m so glad you found LVSP 🙂 If you want to see more of China, you can check out my YouTube channel at bit.ly/laurenwithout fear. Let me know if you have any questions, and thanks for following the adventure! Good luck with your move! Oh, and let me know how Dongguan is!

  • I just found this!! I’ve been living alone in Japan for almost a year (I’m Canadian) and thought I was the only one who struggled as much as I have. I too, deal with depression and anxiety and even though I’m headed home soon, it was such a relief to read that what I was experiencing was “normal”. Thank you for this little piece of solace.

  • Love this post. It’s so relevant for me as I’m moving to China in 2 days. I’m moving to Xi’an to teach English. It took 4 months to sort out the visa but the same day I eventually got the visa I booked a flight. That’s was 5 days ago. It meant it’s been a hectic week and I’m super excited but also scared. It’s a language barrier, a culture barrier and a completely new job for me.
    its good to be able to know a bit of what to expect in the coming months. Thank you xx

  • So I guess I’m following the trend and just finding this now, and absolutely loving it! I just moved to Lijiang, China about 4 days ago, and boy has it been a crazy ride! Not many people know I suffer from anxiety and depression, so Ive tried my best to hide it here. But coming to day 4, it’s starting to hit pretty hard, to be honest. Thank you for posting, as it brings solace that these feelings will pass eventually! I’ll definitely be checking out your YouTube posts and Facebook page to! I need all the help I can get!

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